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My child just will NOT ___________

28th Jul 2015

My child just will notMy child just will NOT ___________ fill in the blank- nap, eat, sleep, be quiet, stop talking, start talking… Whatever it is for you and your family, it causes us distress.

My child is Three and loves to talk, I should be more clear, talk, make noise, yell, scream, sing, make the most annoying sounds you can possibly imagine or all of the above, ALL DAY LONG. I mean ALL day long, he explodes with noise whenever he can. I am sure other mothers can relate. Or you can relate with your own dilemma. The problem is, it does not matter what we do, he just makes noise, and that’s that. It is too bad we cannot make our children do what we want them to. So now what?

It is not the noise that is the problem, nor is it my child that is the problem (he is just a normal Three year old I hope), it is my judging and reaction to the noise that causes me the most stress. It is my inner dialogue about the noise. Some of it includes… it is always so loud in here, I cannot think, he is so annoying, he is making me crazy, why won’t he listen to me when I tell him to be quiet, my child does not listen, is he this annoying to other people, and on and on. The fact is he is just making noise going about his business, its my inner dialogue that makes it a much bigger problem than it needs to be. So now what?

Well … mindful mothering. I have started practicing mindful mothering, from the course created by Cassandra Vieten. You can read more on her website, take her course, or contact me through our website for information about when we will be running a Calgary class!

This is what I am practicing regarding the noise, and other much more distressing moments throughout my life. This is helping me cope and reframe experiences. This is taken from Cassandra Vieten’s course:

1. Practicing being present in the moment, aware of body sensations, connecting with my child and meeting the experience with curiosity and compassion. It is remembering the curiosity and compassion that are helping me the most.

2. Knowing that it is not the experience itself that is distressing it is actually my reaction and judging of the experience that is making it distressing, does it REALLY matter that my child is talking, of course not!

3. Noticing how many times throughout the day I am thinking and focusing on the past or future, and not the present. I am working on getting to the present. The most important, taken for granted, beautiful, right now- present.

Shannon Kane – Counselor & birth story listener at BirthNarratives.ca

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